Stop “Should-ing” All Over Yourself

Deb Peters
6 days ago
3 min read

How to Break Free from Guilt, Shame & Perfection Thinking (and What to Do Instead)

We’ve all done it.

“I should work out.”

“I should eat better.”

“I should be more motivated, more productive, more disciplined...”

The problem isn’t the goal. It’s the weight of the word should.

It doesn’t inspire action — it invites shame. It makes us feel like we’ve failed before we’ve even started. And for women in midlife and beyond, who are already juggling a LOT, “should-ing” can become an internal script that keeps us stuck.

Let’s get clear on something:

Should = shame.

And shame never creates long-term change.

So what do you do instead?

Here’s a mindset shift that I teach inside my coaching programs — and it works:

Reframe " I should" into "What's the next best choice I can make right now?"

This takes you out of the past (where guilt lives), pulls you away from the future (where fear and overwhelm live), and brings you back to the present — where your power actually is.

Let’s break this down with a few real-world examples:

1. Reframe your self-talk

“I should have worked out today.” → “I’ll go for a walk now, even if it’s short. Movement still counts.”
“I should eat healthier.” → “What’s one simple thing I can eat next that fuels me, not punishes me?”
“I should be doing more.” → “I’m doing the best I can right now, and that’s enough.”

This isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about shifting your energy from

pressure to possibility.

2. Make micro-decisions instead of big plans

It’s easy to get stuck thinking you need to overhaul your whole lifestyle. But the truth is, tiny consistent actions create more change than huge intentions.

Ask yourself:

“What’s one small action I can take in the next 10 minutes that moves me closer to how I want to feel?”

That could be:

Drinking a glass of water
Stretching for five minutes
Turning off your phone and going to bed
Saying “no” to something that drains you

These micro-wins add up. And they build trust in yourself — that you’ll follow through.

3. Catch the shame spiral — and change your story

Awareness is your superpower.

The next time you hear your brain start up with:

“You’re lazy”
“You blew it again”
“You should be better than this”

Pause and say:

“This is just a story. It’s not the truth. "

Then replace it with:

“What do I need right now to support myself and change this story?"

That’s self-respect. That’s real growth.

💬 Final Thought

You don’t have to “should” your way to a better life. You can support your way there — one decision, one moment, one win at a time.

So next time that heavy voice creeps in, remember this:

✨ The next best choice is always enough. And that choice is available to you right now.

🚀 Ready to stop “should-ing” and start showing up for YOU?

My programs are built to help women over 50 drop the guilt, shift their habits, and build sustainable strength — inside and out.💪

Let’s make your next best decision together.