I Wasn't Okay With Not Being Okay

Sometimes I wonder if the things I've done make it harder for women to see themselves in me.

I've finished an Ironman.

Run marathons.

Done Spartan races.

Hiked mountains.

Built a business.

And now, at 64, I'm still wondering what I might want to do next.

It would be easy to look at that list and think:

Well, that's just who she is.

But here's the truth.

I'm really not that special.

I didn't wake up one morning disciplined, confident and strong.

I wasn't always healthy.

I wasn't always comfortable in my own skin.

I didn't always trust my body.

There were plenty of years when I wasn't okay.

And somewhere along the way, I simply decided:

I wasn't okay with not being okay anymore.

It Wasn't One Big Decision

There was no dramatic Monday morning when I woke up and changed my entire life.

I just started doing something about it.

Then I did something else.

And eventually, those small decisions started adding up.

Sometimes I got it right.

Sometimes I didn't.

Sometimes I made progress.

Sometimes I went backward.

And there have been setbacks.

More than a few.

Things I tried that didn't work.

Times I quit.

Times life made the decision for me.

Times I had to start again when I really didn't want to.

Those are part of my story too.

Maybe they're actually some of the most important parts.

I'll tell you about those next.

Because the truth is, change isn't nearly as neat as we like to make it look.

Maybe You're Not That Different From Me

We have a habit of looking at someone else's life and seeing where she is now.

We don't see all the ordinary decisions that came before it.

The restarts.

The doubts.

The wrong turns.

So we tell ourselves:

She's different.

She's more disciplined.

It's easier for her.

I could never do that.

But what if that's not true?

What if you don't need to become a completely different woman?

What if you just need to stop accepting something you already know isn't working for you?

Maybe you're tired of waking up tired.

Maybe you're tired of saying you'll start taking care of yourself when life settles down.

Maybe there are things you've stopped doing because they've gotten harder.

Maybe you don't like the way you've been talking to yourself.

Maybe you've caught yourself saying:

“I guess this is just what happens when you get older.”

And somewhere inside, you know you're not okay with that answer.

You Don't Have to Fix Everything Today

That's the part I want you to hear.

You don't need the perfect plan.

You don't need to know where this ends.

You don't need to become someone else.

You don't even need to feel ready.

Maybe you just need to decide:

I'm not okay with not being okay anymore.

And then do one thing about it.

Tomorrow, do another.

Because when I look back, I don't think the most interesting thing about my story is an Ironman, a marathon or standing on top of a mountain.

It's that I changed my story while I was living it.

And I'm still changing it.

So instead of asking:

“Could I ever do what she does?”

Ask yourself something much more important:

What am I no longer willing to accept for myself?

Don't rush to answer it.

Sit with it.

Because your answer might be exactly where your next chapter starts.

Strong Starts Now.

— Deb

Next: The part of my story we don't talk about nearly enough — the setbacks, the failures, and why one flat tire doesn't mean you slash the other three.